Today

The beginning of another day.
It's going to be a good one!
I'm going to do something....
Anything.
Productive.
I will keep a positive attitude.
Today I will envision success.
I will set my goal
And strive to achieve it.
I will commend myself for any and all efforts
And remember that every little step
Gets me closer to my goal.
Today I will be successful.
What will you do today?

Straight from the heart

Why?
I don't understand.
All I want is...
To be a nice person.
To be kind and thoughtful.
To be capable.
For people to like me,
And want to be around me.
Friends.
A confidant.
When I look in the mirror
All I see is...
Chaos.
Incompetence.
Loneliness.
Confusion.
Shame.
How do I become the person I want to be?
Where is the instruction book?
Can't somebody tell me?
I'm lost.
Powerless.
So alone.

Long lost

Long ago lost
But never let go.
The pain sharp
As the mind and body struggle
To grasp the reality of the loss.
The one recently passed
Was not who you thought.
He fooled you, fooled everyone.
Led you on and made you believe
That he was still the same person.
Don't grieve now for the impostor.
Grieve for the true loss
That happened many years before.
When he allowed something else to take your place.
When he gave himself over
To the lure of the illusion.
That is the moment to grieve for.
The body may have given up recently,
But the spirit gave up long ago.

Who?

A crisis of identity
Not to be thwarted or set aside.
Who are you?
What are you?
A scared little girl?
A capable woman?
Wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend?
Is there room inside for all of them?
Can they all get along?
Share, cooperate, support?
How can one person find the time and energy
To be all of those people?
And what about me?
Can I just be me?
I'm not sure I even know
Who "me" is.

Listen

Butterfly lost
Fluttering this way and that
Looking for something
Where is it?
That flower it seeks?

Panic
Where could it be?
How did it get lost?
What will the butterfly do?

Slow down
Stop for a moment
Regroup

Butterfly flying
With purpose, determination
On the right path now.

It was there all along
The knowledge
All the butterfly had to do
Was listen to it's heart.

Lost and found

As someone with ADHD I frequently misplace things.  I am constantly looking for my cell phone, my keys, papers.  A couple of weeks ago, though, I went looking for my notebook where I keep my writing.  I scoured the house looking for it.  I was frantic!  It was like a piece of me was missing and I could not write anything else until it was found.  Luckily I found it tonight!  I hadn't realized just how important it was to me until I couldn't find it.  My heart is in that book.  I feel like a band has been taken away from my heart...like it can expand again.  Freedom.

Progress

Had a good week for the most part.  Was actually able to sit down and get some work done this week.  Stressful, though.  Stress drove me.  I guess that is both good and bad.  Stress isn't really a good thing, but it did force me to be more productive.  Trying to look at the positive side so instead of saying to myself that I should have gotten more done or should have been working like this all along, I am congratulating myself for doing more than twice my recent average.  I also managed to get to three volleyball games, a sports pot luck that I didn't find out about until the afternoon of, and a dodgeball tournie!  And we even ate hot meals every night!  Whoohooo!  Apparently I had some pretty lucent moments this week.  A very positive thought to end the week with and a good feeling to carry over to the next.