Where does the time go?

I would swear that when I went to bed last night it was Monday, now here it is Thursday and I haven't posted  in a couple of days.  My hubby showed me an email that he got yesterday about ADHD and how you know you have it.  It was funny, but sort of frightening as it described me to a "T."   I've gotten to the point where I was so tired of being busy but not getting anything done that now I just sit and do what I want and not get anything done.  Kind of crazy thinking, but then when you have ADHD is it really "crazy?"  It's just the way my mind works.  I do, on occasion, get up and try to accomplish something.  Here's how it goes:

Doing laundry:  I will collect the dirty clothes from my room and put them in the washing machine.  Then I go to collect laundry from the kids' rooms (because I didn't tell them I was doing laundry so they had no opportunity to get it out for me which they do if I ask) and then notice all the dirty dishes in their rooms.  I take the dirty dishes into the kitchen where I notice that the dishwasher needs to be run so I put the dirty dishes into the dishwasher and reach for the soap.  Oh my.  We are almost out of soap so I get a grocery list started which reminds me that I should gather coupons and try to make a menu for the upcoming week.  I spend some time looking up and printing coupons then on to looking up recipes for dinners that the kids might like that are not the "same old thing."  Before I know it my alarm goes off on my phone alerting me it's time for lunch.  Where did the morning go?  So, I go make my lunch and sit down at my desk to eat and play some games and read blogs and chat with friends.  The one hour that I had intended on taking to eat has turned into almost 2 hours!  So, taking my dirty dishes into the kitchen I, again, notice that the dishwasher needs to be run.  I put what's left of the soap in and start it up.  Counters are dirty so I wipe them down and sterilize the sponge in the microwave where it will be left until the next time someone uses the microwave where they will discover the sponge that we have been looking for all evening.  Then my next phone reminder goes off telling me it is almost time to pick up the kids at school.  Don't get to involved in anything at this point or I will be late getting out the door.  By the time I get home I have to cook dinner.  After dinner I am so exhausted that I can't even move off the couch let alone think about cleaning the kitchen or working.

That is my day when I attempt to get something done.  Very tiring and very frustrating when I know I've been busy but have nothing to show for it.  So, now I just don't do anything so everyone knows why I have gotten nothing done.  And anyone who thinks that doing nothing is easy, forget it.  That is just as exhausting as being run around busy.  I still sit on the couch after dinner and have no energy.

Unfinished gifts

Well, the baby shower is over but my work is not.  Still have a baby hat to crochet and maybe another bib.  Luckily the pressure has lessened.  Now I just have to remember to actually do them.  This is another one of my strong points - finishing part of a gift but not the rest.  I still have a placemat to make for my niece that I started for Xmas of 2008!   Wow!  Of course I still have ornaments that I started in 2006 that never got finished.  8)

So is the pressure on myself really any less than it was before?  I am thinking not.  I still put a lot of pressure on myself to get these things done and then feel guilty if I don't get them finished. Each time I swear that it will be different and each time ends up the same. And then what happens?  I feel even more guilty and put the project away so I don't have be reminded of the fact that it didn't get done.  No wonder I love being "alone" so much.  I'm never really alone.  Guilt seems to be my constant companion.  Hmmmm.  I'll have to do something about that because I really do enjoy peaceful aloneness.

You know you have ad/hd when.....

You are reading a craft blog and are reminded of the date (because that is a challenge to keep track of), then you look at the calendar and realize that you have a baby shower to go to tomorrow and you haven't figured out yet what you are going to make let alone find the material, and you don't have enough money to go buy a gift.  Then you finally figure out what you are going to make, believing the whole time that it won't take that long so you go on with what you were doing before you stopped and took two hours looking through baby gift ideas, and the whole project slips your mind again.  At lunch time you remember and think, "Oh I still have time.  I'll do it tonight."  All this time knowing full well that you will be up until who knows what time trying to finish this gift before the shower tomorrow but not being able to "make" yourself do anything differently.

And if all that wasn't enough, this post should be proof!

A homecoming

I love it when my husband comes home from being out of town.  The only issue I have is that I have to scramble to get the house clean before he gets here...well, okay, not clean but at least looking better than it did.  He's used to a messy house but when he's gone it's gone as well.  So in the couple of hours before he gets home you can usually find me scrambling to pick up the kids dirty socks, washing dirty dishes that don't go in the dishwasher, folding who knows how many loads of laundry, making the bed, wiping down the bathroom, and on, and on, and on.  Consequently, by the time he actually gets home I'm so tired from running around that I don't have the energy to greet him properly.

And at the end of the night, he's asleep on the couch.

Another day in my head

Each day seems like a roller coaster.
My head rocketing this way and that.
Thoughts streaking past too fast to grasp.
Someday...
Someday I know I'm gonna catch one of those suckers.
And when I do....
When I do....
Well, I don't know what I'll do then.
But those thoughts had better watch out!
Until I do, though,
I think I'll go check on my farm and my aquarium and my ranch and my garden and my pets and go to wizard school and fight some vampires and hang with my mafia for a while and feed the animals at my zoo.
And while I'm doing those things.....let's see...
Oh, I'll research some colleges and check out new recipes and get some craft ideas and read blogs and check my emails.
Whew!
I'm really tired.
I think I'll let those thoughts go until tomorrow.
After a good night's sleep
I know I'll be ready to catch some of them.