Finding Strength

Do you ever wonder where strength comes from?  I'm not talking physical strength, but that certain something that some people seem to have that helps them get through life.  I've always wondered because I never really believed that I had any.  I would watch other people and wonder to myself how they got through, how they dealt with all the things that people have to deal with.  I always feel like I'm falling apart when anything challenging comes up, like I'm just going to lose it at any minute.  I would look to those around me to hold me up believing that their strength and support is what made me strong, never really believing in my own ability to be strong.  Well guess what?  I found it!!!  In myself!  I am strong.  I don't need anyone else to make me strong.  Sure, there are times when it is good to lean on someone, let them support us.  But in the daily dealings of life, where I have always felt far less than adequate, I have learned that I can be strong.  I may not always do things right, make the right decision, or finish a project perfectly.  But, tell me, who does?  At least today, I feel like I could take on the world and win!  It's been inside of me the whole time.  Tomorrow is another day and that strength may falter, but now that I have put these words out there they are there to remind me of where I need to look when I need to be strong.

Why?

Why do I find myself doing things that I don't really want to be doing,
but unable to stop?
Why do I feel like I'm making excuses when I say
that I just can't stop myself?
I don't know why I can't stop.
I don't know how to change it.
How do I make myself stop?
Were that it was just as easy as saying to myself, "STOP!"
I yearn to find a way,
to make the changes that you want me to make.
I struggle every day,
trying to make myself change,
then feeling useless and helpless
when I get through another day
having done the same things as before.
I want to change, really.
I don't like feeling this way, being this way.
I really want to change!
Why can I not hold on to the strength of that statement?
And why do I feel like you don't believe me?